11.12.2014

The Love For A Second Child


"How can I ever love a second child as much as I love Finley?" That was my concern even before I got pregnant with Carson. I was told "your heart just grows", but I don't think that's it. I think it was always big enough. That his own special place was always there, waiting for him. I just didn't know it yet.

I may not have the exact date that every tooth popped through written in his baby book, yet. I'm going to need to guestimate, but I love him just the same. The same in that my love can't be described with words. It's too much. The same in that when I look at his perfect face, it's hard to pull my eyes away. The same in that his smile makes my heart smile. The same in that there are never enough kisses to give. The same in that when he does or says something new, the littlest of things, I couldn't be more amazed. The same in that his giggles can turn a bad mood around.


I'm going to be honest here and say that before Carson was born, I really did think that parents must slightly favor their first child, even just a teensy bit. That they probably just didn't want to admit it. Thinking about this now makes me laugh.

It's kind of like being asked which parent you love more (if you were close with both growing up). Your relationship with each child is different. They are so different. My love is for them as individuals and there's plenty for both. Finley is so bright, bold, social and funny. She's my mini me. Carson is our sweet, sweet boy. He's determined, silly and the most loving little man. They are the light of my life. Both of them. 


Right now, at fifteen months and three and a half, they fight like crazy, but in the morning, after she wakes up, he walks into her room and I hear her say "brooootheeer" in her happy little voice and then his giggles. It's the best. Even if they battle about sharing or who pushed who pretty much all day right now, that's temporary. They love each other and I'm so glad that they'll always have that.


When I was pregnant, I actually cried about the attention Finley was going to be losing and the worry about not loving a second as much. Finley is fine. Does she get less one on one time? Yes, but we make time. I read to them individually at night. One naps while the other doesn't. It works itself out.

Loving a second as much? "As much"? How do you even gauge how much you love your child? You can't. It's infinite...and it comes, effortlessly. No more, no less. 

 
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5 comments:

  1. Love this post!!! I am pregnant with my second & I think about this all the time!! Thanks for sharing!!

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  2. Awww, sweet post! They are so precious. A momma's heart always has room :)

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  3. as i read your post, i feel like you were in my head when i was pregnant with my second! my husband and i had the EXACT same feelings. there was no way we thought we'd love our second as much but it is so different and our hearts hurt just reminiscing about having those feelings! love your honesty and it is true what everyone says, your heart grows and the love you have for each is the same :)

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