6.22.2011

Grateful. AND Four weeks old!

This post will probably be jumbled. The thoughts are here, it's just getting them down.

Thankful isn't even the word. Finally I am a "normal" Momma. It wasn't too long ago that I wished for this. That time is not what defines me as a Mom to Finley but it sure contributes to the Mom and even the person I am now. I find myself so grateful, still never able to take her for granted...even during her crying and fussy times, when breastfeeding is hurting, when I'm up for hours in the middle of the night trying to soothe a screaming baby. My first thought during those times is "I am so lucky." Don't get me wrong. Overall we have a very easy baby but like any baby she has her "times". I can honestly say that had I not gone through the pregnancy I did,  I probably would be a bit more phased during trying times of the day/night but now...nope. It sucks that I was given the hand I was for my pregnancy (and future ones) but it really helps keep my perspective in tact. The fact that she is OK and that I get to experience all of this, this stuff I prayed for. I promised I would never complain, that I would never take her for granted but I never imagined it would contribute so much to the way I think of and handle things now.

Things happen for a reason. I hate that I had to go through what I did. Other people just don't understand. It was just bed rest right? No. It was terrifying. I've said it here before and I will re-affirm that the day I found out about my short cervix, that we could lose her and that I would be scheduled for emergency cerclage placement surgery was the worst of my life. It was so out of the blue and un-expected.  Everything was going perfect up until then. It was a hit to my perfect world, the life we were living that always went as planned. Up until then I had the belief that life is what we make of it, but how was I supposed to fix this? The unknown was horrible. That worrying if our baby would be OK haunted me every day up until I got to a much safer point in pregnancy. Yeah the bed rest and practically being sheltered from the outside world sucked royally but it was the worry that was the worst. Then when we were to a farther/safer point in pregnancy came the blood pressure stuff. Dr Google doesn't help when you read all of the things that can happen to a baby from high BP complications. That worry was no fun either.

So why this post? It's all obvious thoughts right. Yeah they are but I felt they should be put down here because these are the things I think often. The road to this point is <thankfully> over but not forgotten. When I look at Finley, when she cries, when she won't burp, when I think she may have reflux, when she stretches and makes her cute faces. All the time. I am just overcome with this feeling of being so lucky. They say that it's the things that happen along the way that make us who we are and in this case I fully believe that is true.
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I thought I should also mention that Baby Girl hit the four week mark yesterday. How did I forget to blog that?! Well, Joe was off from work so I guess we were pre-occupied. Really though, can you believe it? FOUR weeks! As much as I look forward to what is to come, I just want to hold onto her as my little newborn baby right now. Guess I better get used to this feeling since she's a growing girl and all!

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