Feeling a little defeated

Today was my gestational diabetes test. I drank the glucose drink, waited an hour and had my blood draw. We get the results in a day or two.

It's what happened in between the drink and the blood draw that's getting to me. As I mentioned my blood pressure was a little elevated at my last visit. 145/89 ish. When laying down it immediately went down to 122/55. Much better. No protein in my urine, which would indicate pre-eclampsia. My doctor was happy with the drop while laying down and since I am already on bed rest I was just told to continue. I was fearing the blood pressure check today. Low and behold, it went up. In my opinion the number seems alarming but there was still no protein in my urine sample. She said protein would have to be present for it to be pre eclmapsia. Since I see the MFM specialist next week my OB said to ask if he feels it would be good to be placed on blood pressure meds. I'm just not sure why I wasn't put on them today. My numbers were pretty high and I take that to be serious. They did go down after laying on my side to a normal number, still not as low as the side laying last visit. Just to a normal range. It is obvious that they are going up, when both sitting and laying.

Finley is measuring great at 28 weeks and had a nice strong heart beat in the 150's. I just hope this blood pressure thing stabilizes or I get on meds that keep it down and that no protein shows up. With numbers like mine protein would be a sure fire sign of pre-e and I want Finley to have more time to cook in there. Pre E is caused by the placenta of the baby and the only way to really stop it is by taking the baby out. Although we are in a much better time frame for a preemie I want a full term baby to be able to come home with us. Her having to stay in the NICU would be very hard.

I feel like I've gone through so much. The beginning of the pregnancy when they couldn't spot her heart beat, we had to wait a whole week to confirm that she was fine and beating in there. It was a horrible waiting game wondering if she was viable. Luckily we were just a little off on dating and all was okay. Then finding out about my cervical problems at 20 weeks and getting an emergency cerclage was very traumatizing. I had no idea if it would work or if she would stay in. It was honestly terrifying. One day I was fine, the next I was being pre-registered for surgery to save our baby. I couldn't even think straight. Then I got the contractions after surgery that scared the crap out of me. I've been on bedrest going on two months now and it's been going well. I am so so so thankful to have made it to this point with my stitch and cervix holding strong so far. I was hoping to catch a break and maybe be allowed some activity after 33-34ish weeks if my cervix continued to stay stable. Possibly get to enjoy some of my pregnancy. Get my stitch removed at 36/37 weeks, get off bed rest and be able to prepare for Finley to come home. Now this. Forget being able to paint the nursery and organize/buy things for her arrival. Now it may have to be done after she's here. I shop online but theres only so much you can buy online. I was really starting to be so optimistic that Finley might be a full term baby and get to come home with us right away after being born. Now, I am worried that my BP will spike even more before she gets the chance to get to 37 weeks. I almost hope that it was just elevated because I was nervous about today. I couldn't even sleep last night thinking about the blood pressure check. I know that nervousness couldn't have made it go up as high as it was though. I'm almost sure it isn't that high when I'm home relaxing in bed though. I hate hearing "don't worry"...everyone says that but how can I not? Anyone in my situation would. Easier said than done coming from someone not in my place I guess. "Filler words"....

Obviously my prior complications are going well so hopefully this does too. I'm going to try and stay positive and not stress about this. Hopefully this turns out okay just like the other things have so far...Now, all we need is some gestational diabetes. Fingers crossed those results come back negative!


  1. hang in there girl! are you sure you dont have "white coat syndrome"? my husband has it bad! his blood pressure skyrockets whenever a doc with a white coat walks in the room! i'm for real...even a dentist! LOL! do you have any nurse friends or anything that could maybe come check it while you are just laying at home? If you are "fearing it" it's usally already on the rise!

    hang in there.. i feel the same. i hate that i'm not able to "prepare" for her. ugh.. i have this feeling it's going to be like scrambling last second. that is...if i even have strenght to walk then!

  2. You are doing a great job mama! Keep taking care of that baby girl. You've done an amazing job and I just can't imagine what you are going through having to be on bedrest for so long. But you are doing such a great thing for that baby of yours. One day she will truly appreciate what you've done.
    And as for getting ready for her arrival- if it doesn't all get completed... then oh well! You'll have plenty of time to decorate that room while having Finley there to help you :)

    Keep smiling and finding great things online!


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